We lived together before we were engaged or married, and I have to admit I didn’t really think marriage would be all that different. On the surface, I would guess it looks about the same, but on the inside, its amazing the new things that make themselves known to me, the way my feelings change, the way honesty bubbles up out of me without the fear that he might leave if I let it all hang out.

I am aware that there is a lot of hubris involved when a newlywed of two months doles out wisdom on the inner workings of marriages.

Nah, on the contrary I think there is a place for sharing by folks who have been married a long time (like my 10 years, or more to the point my in-laws’ or parents’ 30 years plus, or grandparents’ 50 years plus) and newlyweds alike. Not to mention good friends of mine who have been married for less time than us, but together many years longer.

I think perspectives from all stages of marriage are helpful–for example, my memories of what it was like to be a true newlywed are fading at this point–especially from people who have put as much thought into it as you have.

Best of all, my husband’s parents are a good example of a marriage that works. Being part of their family now has also helped me.

It means treating both members of the team as good– better, even!– than you’d treat yourself. Its loving both bodies and minds and souls.

Wow! This is a beautiful way to look at it. Just in general, I agree that it’s easier for me to reassure others with truths about weight and health than it is for me to believe them about myself. My husband does not struggle with his weight, so I haven’t gone through this exact thought process with him, but your words will remind me to “take care of him”–and therefore our partnership–next time he needs it.