I Look Good and I Do What I Want

a journey of loving my body and myself

good weekend May 18, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Mae @ 9:07 pm

I am happy today, despite a terrible toothache and the specter of a crown placement (with possible root canal!) tomorrow looming large.

My husband came from my his latest job on Thursday. I always enjoy his return and get a huge mood boost from it. We had dinner and a movie double-date with friends that night, and I drank too much wine, ate too much Indian food (hmmm, naan and raita), and even had an ice cream bar at the movie theatre. The horror!

Saturday morning walked my dog, then went to run two hilly miles with my running group and went straight back to the house for two hours of strenuous yard work. That afternoon we laid, hugged-up, on the couch and caught up on the Tivoed shows we missed while he was gone. We visited a friend midafternoon to help her move some yard-sale finds to her house. We shopped for some herbs and tomatoes for me to plant in containers for the summer, as we rent and I’m not allowed to have a garden. We grocery-shopped for things a sore-mouthed gal can eat. I got soups, mashed potatoes, watermelon, lowfat chocolate ice cream and sugar-free puddings.

For breakfast I had a sugar-free fat-free latte from Starbucks and a homemade bowl of yogurt with strawberries and granola. My teeth were really bothering me so I had smoothie for lunch– from Smoothie King– and I didn’t even rush back to the laptop to check on the calories in it, like I normally have. I haven’t checked at all, since. Because I don’t really care! For supper I had two plain soft tortillas dipped in a small dish of cheese dip, followed by a sugar-free pudding cup. Not very nutritionally complete, but my teeth are being very unforgiving right now.

This morning we took the dog around the block for his normal morning routine, and then went up to a hiking trail a little north of the city. I used to go by myself or with my dad; my husband and my dog have never been. My husband has been wanting to do a little more deliberate exercise since, truth be told, he’s gone up two sizes in his pants and one in his shirts since we got together. Before I met him he was eating Lean Cuisines or plain chicken sandwiches alone many nights because he adamantly refuses to cook anything that can’t be prepared on a Foreman grill. Since we met, he’s been eating out (and the man can lay the pain on any size entree placed in front of him), plus eating more at home simply because what I cook is loads better than a Lean Cuisine.

I don’t care about his size fluctuations, but I know he feels unhealthy right now. He is not as fit as he used to be and he feels that the weight is dragging him down. I know differently, of course– I always feel a million times better when I am exercising regularly, regardless of my weight. I have tried to explain body acceptance to him and remind him that I don’t care what size he is, but that exercise is always good, so let’s go try hiking, or squeeze in an extra dog walk, or think about getting some bikes to ride together.

So we did a nice hike, about an hour and a quarter, including some tough patches climbing over rocks or running up a short incline, which thoroughly exhausted my husband and my dog. This afternoon we broke in a new boardgame my husband bought (we are certified boardgame geeks; in fact for our recent wedding we registered for and received a bunch). I puttered around in my container garden. We did some around-the-house chores. I read a few chapters of a new book with the sun warming my hair. We took a mid-afternoon nap with the windows open and the sound of the trees rustling. Is there anything more decadent?

For breakfast, I had my usual fat-free, sugar-free latte from Starbucks and a normally off-limits Starbucks scone. I had mashed potatoes and peas with a small cup of ready-made strawberry-banana smoothie for lunch, a little cup of sugar-free rice pudding for a snack, and some lowfat ice cream mid-afternoon. On a normal day, I’d be chiding myself for eating basically constantly, and for eating so many foods with little in the way of nutrition (cheese dip! cakelike scones for breakfast! ice cream in the middle of the day!!)

But you know what? I don’t feel badly. I feel wonderful. The weather has been amazing, I’ve been able to spend my days with my husband and our “babies” (our dog and two cats), doing just what I want. If we were independently rich, I think I’d fill my days with running, hiking, gardening, game-playing, reading, preparing simple meals together, snuggling on the couch in front of a movie. It doesn’t matter whether I “won” the calories-in-calories-out game this weekend. There is nothing about this weekend that could have been improved by anything other than the absence of my toothache. I would not have enjoyed it any more had I been 20 or 40 or 60 pounds lighter. If the happiest days of my life are happy completely independent of my weight, then why do I care any other day?

We are going tonight to do another favorite thing of ours: take in a movie at the drive-in. We bring along folding camp chairs and eat barbeque out of styrofoam containers and drink wine out of plastic cups. Also, I’m bringing watermelon. I have a huuuuge watermelon problem lately.

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